I don't know what I really feel and what I truly want
Thursday, July 19, 2012
I lied to my Dear. I lied to him that I wasn't angry nor sad when I saw his tweet. I did that cos he was overseas and I didn't want him to feel upset in a foreign country. I really hope this is a valid reason.
Of cos it would be sad for me cos those words are really hurting. If he was only referring to the quarrel yesterday, then I think it would be unfair to me cos I didn't reply him cos I thot he went for his classes and not that I didn't care abt him. But on the other hand, he might be right. I realised that during quarrels, I really won't show any care or concern. But that's really my character. I can't bring myself to do it cos I'm already in a very bad mood. How am I suppose to change my mindset and feelings and suddenly care for someone else. I can't do that even for my family. I don't know, I really don't know. I just hope he would understand that it is my character and try to compromise with it just like how I compromise with his temper or any other characteristics. I will learn from it slowly but it is almost an impossible job for me.
Sometimes I would think, "Will it be long lasting? Will he be able to take it for the rest of his life?" I really don't know and I hope an answer would drop right in front of me. Maybe I really suck at this.
