It's been a long long time since I posted. Today, I just wanna find a platform to release my unhappiness. I made my dear boy angry today. I cried for like 1 whole hr. That has been the most hurting moment I ever felt. My heart literally ached. It was really really painful. For the first time, he send me a message that he wouldn't usually send. A very formal message, "Yes. Going to bed now. Nights." Of cos, I deleted that. Cos everything about him should be happy moments. I already expected him to reply this kind of message. But I just can't control my emotions. The moment I read his message, tears were flowing from my eyes like tap water running. After crying, I felt giddy and very cold. For my whole life in 19 years, I never cried this much and never ever ever cried with so much sadness. I really don't want such things to happen again. But from this incident, I can see that I really love my dear boy so much that I'm so afraid of losing him. And I'm really glad that he replied my message so that I know he is safe :)
Hui Tien, you've got to solve this problem tmr. Apologise to him and tell him you're wrong. Tell him that you know where you went wrong and how you will change. Muster up your courage and do what you're suppose to do. Don't care if you cry like crazy tmr. Just do it. I know I can do it and I will make my dear boy happy again. I'm sorry my dearest Zu Yao. I'm really sorry. I really hope you can see what I've typed here but I know this won't happen. It's alright, I will and can tank all of these damage. Oh and really a big thanks to Gifford who lend me a listening ear when I really need one. Really thank you. And thank Buddha for arranging Gifford to ask me what happened. Thank you Buddha.
I guess I won't be able to sleep well tonight. But it's okay. That will be my punishment for what I had cause my dear boy. Even if my dear boy doesn't forgive me tmr, I'll just tank it and say sorry. Repeat everything again and again. If that doesn't work then I'll just leave him for the time being and think about other ways to make him forgive me. I'm really sorry my dear boy. You don't know how many times I want to say sorry to you. I'm really very sorry.
