I feel so sad. My sec school friends and I have drifted apart. But I already have 'xin li zhun bei' for this. Cos I'm in a JC and will not have a lot of time to go out with them. Now, in JC I'm still not speaking up. I'm still someone who's sitting there listening to others talk. I'm afraid that if I say sth stupid, others will think that I only speak nonsense and don't like talking to me. I think I talk to myself more than I talk to others. I'm afraid of this, afraid of that. When can I start to be the old me? Why did I develop this stupid thinking? I think I'm too concerned abt my appearance. I want to speak with 'substance' too badly. Fuck! Just say anything will do!!! I just keep thinking that if I do this I will embarrass myself. Arghhhhhhhhhh!!! Damn it!! I think I try too hard. I try too hard to be perfect in everybody's eyes. I think I'm a toooooooooooo serious person. I really try too hard.
At this pt of time, I think I'm despo for a boyfriend. I think I want someone to talk to too badly. I want to feel the happiness of having a boyfriend; the happiness of having someone to love me. But now is not the time to think abt this. It shld be studies. I keep telling myself to let nature take its course. But I cant help it. I can't wait. Can someone just be my bf for 1 day? Haha just kidding. It's impossible.
Tell me what to do to be myself. Tell me how not to care too much about being perfect in everyone's eyes.
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